I've just moved into a snobby part of town. Things are kind of hilariously nonsensical here. Like the price of milk.
For this reason, i love the local supermarket. It's a wonderland of hilariously nonsensical but insanely exciting food. Im trying out this fancy shmancy new muesli. It claims to contain "gourmet nuts".
What is a "gourmet nut"? Which nuts are "gourmet"? What does "gourmet" actually even mean? Does it just mean "fancy shmancy"?
If yes, then peanuts would lose cos you get them as snacks on no-frills airplanes, and Brazil nuts would win cos they cost like $49.95 a kilo and are huge so you get like 3 for 20 bucks, which is ridiculous. See Figure 1. for a completely subjective spectrum of gourmet nuts, as per me.
I looked up the definition of "gourmet" to correct my own, clearly biased, definition. It turns out that gourmet is, in fact, a noun meaning "a connoisseur of good food; a person with a discerning palate." As an adjective, it means "of a kind or standard suitable for a gourmet." Which means nothing to me. Especially cos im pretty sure it is bad literary form to use the word you are defining in the definition.
I think i can safely conclude that "gourmet nuts" is a hilariously nonsensical notion.
Figure 1. (In ascending order:)
- The Peanut
- The Cashew
- The Walnut
- The Almond
- The Pistachio
- The Chestnut
- The Pecan
- The Macadamia
- The Brazil
pic: (gourmet) bacon & egg english muffin (in trendy plaid), from simplybreakfast